I’m back, y’all. I have crawled up from the depths of my scum-riddled existence to once again entertain and delight with my blog posts.
And entertained and delighted you shall BE.
First of all, I moved to Columbia, SC back in June. I don’t know if any of you have ever moved to Columbia, SC, but it’s okay. It’s just… okay. People like football too much and everywhere is kind of dirty, but I’ve accepted that as a general theme of mid-sized cities.
Shortly after arriving, I got a job at SATO JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE as a server. It’s also, like, okay. And by that I mean if I didn’t hate the general public enough before, I certainly do now. Because I’ve learned that people are just terrible. But that’s okay. Because by learning that people are terrible, I’ve learned ways to try to help them to not be terrible. I’ve compiled a list. Please enjoy. Be informed! Be delighted! Don’t be terrible.
Lydia’s Comprehensive, Helpful, and Gentle Guide to Not Being Terrible
- Don’t be scared to leave more than a $2 tip on an $80+ bill. Really! I will not be offended if you want to express your admiration and appreciation of me through money. I am not above that. I know that $2.56 an hour is an awful lot to get paid for an often thankless job, but believe me. If you tip even slightly closer to 15%, I will do my BEST to remain humble.
- Keep in mind that I split my tips with your lovely hibachi chef! Yep, right down the middle. And then I tip out the busboy (10%) and the sushi chef (I don’t really know what %). Note: I don’t mind this rule. The chefs have to deal with your ridiculous demands just as much as I do, the sushi chef is great, and the busboys are helpful. For the most part. Yousef gives me sass sometimes when I kindly ask him to refill the ice tray, etc. (you know, to do his JOB), but what can you do! My point is, when you tip me $2 I get to keep maybe 75 cents of it. Thanks!
- DON’T LEAVE ME 38 CENTS ON THE TIP LINE OF YOUR DEBIT CARD RECEIPT TO EVEN OUT YOUR TOTAL TO $50. I WOULD RATHER YOU SPIT IN MY FACE AND PUNCH ME IN THE JAW BECAUSE AT LEAST THAT’S HONEST.
- Smile at me! I’m smiling at you. I will smile at you even if I’m having the worst day of my life. I will make you feel welcome and appreciated! I will do everything I can to get you anything you request! Just act like you want to be in the restaurant. I will not be offended if you are polite or even nice to me. You’re allowed to smile! Life is grand.
- While I appreciate you informing me on a busy night that it’s a bit too warm in the restaurant, you really don’t need to. I am aware. I’ve been running around in it for hours. Yes, our air-conditioner is on. So are all of our grills! You’re sitting in front of a giant flat-iron, I don’t know what else to tell you.
- Don’t roll your eyes at me because I’ve only been working there for 3 months and you’ve been eating there for “years.” Sorry Daniel can’t be your server, he’s not working tonight. I’m still going to smile brightly and graciously at your stupid face, and the food will be the same as the last time you’ve dined with us.
- Technically, you can come into a sit-down restaurant 15 minutes before closing time. But that will make you terrible. So just don’t.
I hope this has been informative! Let’s be not-terrible together.
Have a benevolent day.
As a follow-up to my previous post where I documented my room’s seamless coral paint job, this is more or less what I ended up with: